The ride of hell (Sequel to bus ride from hell)
by TCBN
Summary: Back from the camping trip, Kenny tries to hit on Alex(oc), Wendy tries to win back Stan with no avail, Stan muses over aborting the baby without losing Rebecca who wants the baby, Sam(oc) is pissed off that he was thrown off a bus, Charlie(oc) hits on Karen much to Kenny's annoyance. Str8 pairings. INCOMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Stan sat in Kyle's living room, holding the Xbox controller that Kyle somehow owned. Stan was zoned out, thinking about the impending bouncing bundle of hell that would shoot out in nine months. Stan gripped the controller in utter irritation, thinking about the idiocy of what Rebecca and Stan had done.

"Dude?" Kyle looked at him; "You look pretty pissed off for someone who just won a three round game of racing"

"I'm thinking about" Stan cleared his throat, "what happened a week ago"

"Well, that's kinda what happens if you have sex, dude" Kyle deadpanned

"Look, I don't want the baby!" Stan retorted, "If it was in me, I would be aborting it pronto"

"Dude" Kyle sighed, "Having a baby is a big deal"

"Which is precisely why I don't want one!" Stan snapped, "It's too expensive, I can't even afford a soccer game ticket with my own money!"

"Stan, stop worrying, this will only be a problem in nine months" Kyle reassured

"Have you forgotten how old we are, Kyle?" Stan snapped, nearly pegging the controller at Kyle

"Stan, everything will sort out, it always does" Kyle said

"I want NOTHING to do with that baby" Stan seethed

"You need to be there for Rebecca" Kyle tried

Stan put the controller aside and hugged his knees, feeling like death.

"What would you do if you had a baby you didn't want" Stan whispered, "and a girl you wanted"

Stan's phone rang.

"Wendy?" Stan answered

"Please take me back, baby! I miss you so much!" Wendy's voice came

"No, I can't" Stan said, leaning back on the couch

"Why? What did I do?" Wendy sniffed

"I'm with someone else, Wendy" Stan paused, "With a baby"

"YOU said to me you didn't want to have sex!" Wendy screamed

"Well, people change, Wendy" Stan rolled his eyes

"STAN!" Wendy pleaded, voice shrinking as Stan hung up and threw the phone aside.

Alex stood at the pond, making patterns on the snow with her foot. Kenny walked up to her after seeing Alex alone at the pond

"Hey, what are you doing?" Kenny asked

"I pushed Sam off the bus" Alex muttered, "I feel so bad"

"I wouldn't worry" Kenny smiled, looking her up and down

"I hope he's okay" Alex muttered

"He always turns out to be okay" Kenny smiled

"God, even when you're not talking sexually, you always look as if you're horny" Alex snorted, looking his way

"I have a tendency to have that face" Kenny shrugged, puling a weird face that Alex laughed at.

Sam walked up to the duo, angry and bandaged.

"Where were you this week?" Kenny asked, staring, "Oh, you were…"

"YOU pushed me off a moving BUS!" Sam screamed, shoving Alex, "Do you any idea how dangerous that is!?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know that the driver would open the doors!" Alex squeaked

"Oooo a cat fight with too girls!" Kenny clasped his hands, "Sexy!"

"Will you just-" Sam swore, "PRETEND to be nice!?"

"Well, you sound like a girl when you argue!" Kenny laughed, "All words and no fists"

"I'm not going to punch Alex!" Sam shoved Kenny over

"Oh a little sexist are we?" Kenny smirked, grabbing Sam by the shoulders and swinging a massive kick to his balls, causing Sam to buck backwards screaming in pain.

"Stop it! The both of you!" Alex stood in between them

"By the looks of Sam's injuries" Kenny stood over him, "You fucked him up pretty bad"

"Not all of my injuries are from the BUS! She fucking pushed me in a fire!" Sam swore, staggering up

"Just leave each other alone" Alex ordered, "Sam, I'm sorry!"

"Will you please refrain from injuring other people when you're angry?" Sam asked

"Why not? It's natural to vent ager like this!" Kenny kicked Sam down once more

"I swear to god, if I can't have kids in the future, I will sue you!" Sam squeaked in falsetto, face planting

"Stan would buy your balls happily" Kenny laughed, ignoring Sam and Alex who glared with annoyance

"Freaking Charlie was going on about wanting to track down you sister, Kenny" Sam got to his feet, stepping away to avoid being kicked

"What?" Kenny stared

"Charlie" Sam spat, "Said he regrets saying what he said to Karen, wants to find her and…. Have a happy ending"

"Shit!" Kenny swore

"What? It's not like you try to fuck my mailbox in the morning on the way to school" Sam snapped, "YOU fuck everything! So it's no surprise if Karen does, too!"

"You fuck Sam's mailbox?" Alex stared

"What? It's funny!" Kenny laughed

"My dad is the only one who sticks his hand in the mailbox" Sam rolled his eyes, "So you're not pranking me, you're actually jizzling on my dad's hand!"

"What? It's not like your mother collects the mail and whacks it afterwards" Kenny snapped

"God you are disgusting" Kenny clutched her face

"Why are we friends?" Sam groaned, walking off

"Because that's what best friends do! They fuck each other's mailboxes!" Kenny called after


	2. Chapter 2

Rebecca paced the living room; Wendy sat on the couch, unsure what to say to her.

"YOU stole him from me" Wendy fumed

"Look! That isn't important right now! What matters is he is threatning to leave ME!" Rebecca cried

"I don't think you understand" Wendy seethed, "he was mine two weeks ago, _now_ you're carrying his child!"

"But I need him! He is mine!" Rebecca stood up, "If you can't handle that, you're clearly not a friend"

"YOU don't screw a freshly dumped guy!" Wendy shouted, "I can't believe Stan did this to me!"

"I want to keep the baby" Rebecca mumbled

"God fucking _dammit_" Wendy snapped, storming out the house and slamming the door. Alex, passing a pissed Wendy, walked in.

"Hey" Alex grinned, walking in, "Uh"

"I don't need a _chat_ from you, Alex" Rebecca seethed

"I just want to let you know that you should do some maths with me" Alex took out a paper and a pen.

"What?" Rebecca stared

"Medical care, school fees" Alex wrote down a few numbers, "clothes, formula, toys, books"

"What are you getting at?" Rebecca glared

"Baby cot, child proofing systems" Alex went on, writing numbers

"Ugh, you won't ever change my mind" Rebecca scoffed

"That is your house, your father's salary for a month, the BMW outside and your ps3" Alex said, holding up a four or five digit number.

"You're being ridiculous!" Rebecca stood, "Get out!"

"Not to mention the responsibilities" Alex went on, getting dragged out the door by Rebecca, "You can't say oh I need a break from the baby, or even sleep a full seven hours"

"Shut up" Rebecca slammed the door in her face

"What would Lauren say!" Alex shouted from the door, "She would tell you to at least put it up for adoption! And that's about as much as two ps3's!"

"What" Rebecca opened the door, "what do you mean?"

"She was an unwanted condom kid" Alex muttered, "She wouldn't want anyone to put anyone else through what she did"

"Go fuck yourself" Rebecca re-slammed the door

Sam looked left and right to make sure the coast was clear. This was going to be the best payback he could think of. He eyed the front door, hands in his pocket, standing in front of the mailbox with his schlong in the mailbox slot, jerking off by shuffling himself. Sam laughed as he imagined Kenny unknowingly opening the mailbox and feeling around for a letter or two only to find something else. Sam heard the sound of a door open, yanked himself out the mailbox painfully and bolted, zipping up as he fled.

"Karen!" her mom called from inside, "before you go to the bus stop, get the letters!"

Karen sighed, rolling her eyes and ambled over, muttering about her impossible homework assignments. Stuffing her hand in the mailbox, she screamed, yanking out a post card dripping with something Karen wouldn't ever have guessed.

"Kenny!" Karen cried, flinging the wet postcard on the ground

"Are you alright?" Kenny ran outside, worried  
"The postcard's all sticky and… slimy!" Karen jumped around, wiping her hands as she realized what it was. Kenny picked it up, "YOU did that!?"

Kenny shook his head as he read it.

_Dear Karen. Happy Birthday! Have a fantastic day, Thank you for the book you mailed to me. I mailed it back; it should be there shortly. Charlie._

"Either you gave him porn or he _jizzed_ on it" Kenny held the postcard an arm's length away, horrified

"No!" Karen blushed, "The book was the last Harry Potter book! What's so sexual about Harry Potter saving the world from Vold-"

"You shouldn't hang around him" Kenny snapped, "He's gross"

"Dude! Charlie wouldn't do that!" Karen spat, "YOU WOULD!"

Karen ran off for the bus stop, upset, leaving Kenny to throw the post card away, grossed out.

Kenny walked down the pavement, past Alex, on the way to the bus stop.

"Hey, Charlie disgraced a postcard" Kenny mumbled

"Well, we hardly know who he is so I wouldn't be so shit scared"

"What?" Sam stared at the duo walking towards him at the stop

"Some idiot guy!" Kenny snapped, "Defaced a postcard! To my sister"

"I'm sure he would love to deface your sister" Sam remarked

"Shut up!" Kenny snapped, shoving Sam

"Hey, that's what best friends _do_!" Sam jeered

Alex stared at the two boys, "You are such _boys_"

"You jizzed in my mailbox" Kenny stared

"Yes" Sam stared, "You have a full blown one hour session with my mailbox with lubricant!"

Alex shuddered, "You're one sick fuck, Kenny"

"MY SISTER TOUCHED IT!" Kenny roared, lunging onto Sam, strangling him, "YOUR WIZZ!"

"She wasn't supposed to!" Sam choked, struggling to yank Kenny off

"All over a post card sent to her!" Kenny shuddered, "Fucking maniac!"

"You're a hypocrite!" Sam gagged as Kenny strangled him

"Stop it!" Alex yanked Kenny off, "You're being immature!"

"We are immature!" Kenny spat back

Alex shrugged and stepped back, next to Stan.

"Dude" Stan cleared his throat, "This is fucked up right here"


	3. Chapter 3

Sam slowly aligned the bear trap within his mailbox, holding his breath. This was the ultimate moment, he thought, this would stop Kenny's pranks.

"Dude!" Kenny was walking up to him, crossing the road

"Hey!" Sam pocketed his hands and walked over

"I need to talk to you about something" Kenny looked at his feet

"Sure, spit" Sam leaned on his front gate, "What's the matter"

"There's this girl in the gra-" Kenny was cut off

"You really like this girl and you're unsure if you like her body more than her personality or the other way around" Sam deadpanned

"No" Kenny shook his head, "I really like this girl and she's god a great personality"

"I'm _struggling_ to guess who it is" Sam rolled his eyes

"It's Bebe" Kenny said

"-Oh" Sam jumped in surprise, "Really? You never speak to her"

"I'm too shy" Kenny shrugged, "Can you pair me with her?"

"I'm not a middle man, bro" Sam shrugged

Kenny slowly walked towards the mailbox, smiling as he prepared to Christian his mailbox once more.

"Don't do it" Sam said, turning around as he heard the sound of a zipper

"Why the hell not?" Kenny laughed "You have no idea how much I want to f-"

Sam, facing his front lawn and house whitened to the sound of a mailbox door unlatch, the sound of a metallic spring-loaded trap closing, followed by a scream.

"SHIT!" Sam turned around eyes wide in horror, "Shit!"

"AHHHH!" Kenny screamed, jumping around the pavement, blood everywhere

"Dude!" Sam pointed at the mailbox, not wanting to open it to see the carnage, "Your manhood!"

"You dumbass!" Kenny screeched, jumping in pain, crying in utter agony, "You cut my dick off!"

"Despite the unorthodox situation, it's very tempting to make a self deprecating joke, but considering I am Jewish, I can make the joke" Sam mumbled, "But that's one brutal circumcision"

"Fuck YOU!" Kenny snapped

"Actually" Sam dialed 911, "Ike came up with the idea"

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" Kenny yowled, falling to his knees, "WHY!?"

Cartman, Kyle and Stan walked over, unsure what the commotion was about.

"Hey, Kenny" Kyle greeted

"MY DICK!" Kenny screamed as an ambulance rolled over

"Why are you so obsessed with it!" Stan snapped, angry

"I kind of used a trap to cut his ah…" Sam motioned downwards, "You know"

"You sick bastard!" Kyle snapped

"Dude" Cartman mumbled, "That's one brutal circumcision"

"Shut up, fat ass" Sam sighed

"Care if I fed Kenny's wiener to my pet pig, Fluffy?" Cartman asked

"I am going to kill you, Sam!" Kenny swore

"With what?" Sam blinked as two medics wrestled him onto a gurney

"WITH THIS!" Kenny shot up and threw a brick as Sam, knocking him out.

"Hey, Stan?" Kyle turned to his friend, "Is there any such thing as a prosthetic wiener?"

Sam sat up, after rather a few hours from lying on the pavement, cold. He rubbed his newly bruised head from where the brick hit him.

"Dammit, you keep getting beat up" Alex sat with him

"Uh" Sam lifted an eyebrow, "The one thing I've noticed, is tha I tend to get hurt so often in your presence. And about I have no idea many hours ago, I got whacked in the head by Kenny"

"Oh" Alex hugged her knees, "He's fucking gross, huh"

"I think I take the cake" Sam mumbled

"I know, he just had surgery, I met him as he was leaving hospital" Alex shrugged

"Then how long was I out?" Sam stared

"Dunno" Alex looked at her watch, "If Kenny had surgery at 10:15 in the morning and he was released from hospital three hours later and it's 3 in the afternoon at night now"

"Whoa" Sam blinked, "ugh"

Rebecca stalked up to them, unhappy.

"Hey, why don't you sit with us" Alex beckoned

"I can't" Rebecca sighed, "No one will support me with the baby. I have to abort it"

"Oh" Sam and Alex looked away

"Have you seen Karen? I've been looking everywhere for her" Rebecca asked

"No" they both said in unison

"Kenny said she hasn't been home since yesterday morning" Rebecca sighed

"Probably in Idaho doing you know what" Sam laughed

"Really!?" Alex glared, "You really think so?"

"Bite me!" Sam scoffed

Alex leaned over and bit him on the shoulder, causing Sam to jerk away in pain and horror.

"Far out! How many injuries do you want me to sustain!?" Sam swore

"Well" Alex rolled her eyes, "It's kind of a running gag"

"God" Sam covered his face

"Hey" Rebecca smiled cheekily, "If Alex and You keep biting each other, maybe there's an underlying meaning?"

"We just…. Bite for the hell of it" Sam snapped his braces lined teeth for effect

"Well, I'm off" Rebecca sauntered off

**On hiatus. feel free to suggest plot twists and character changes and things to occur between characters! Goodnight! **


End file.
